In previous posts I have written about hearing the voice of God, the prompting of the Holy Spirit and recognising Him when he is speaking to you. Sometimes it can come in unconventional ways. This blog is a reflection on one of those "left-field" heavenly communications.

A few weeks I heard for the first time, the work "Not Waving But Drowning" by the English poet & novelist, Stevie Smith. It touched something within me but I was not able to locate exactly what it was. I searched for it on google and read it. I found it moving but for some reason I did not know why.

On Sunday I was on my way to the last Ignite event . I switched on the radio in my car and tuned it to BBC Radio 4. The programme captured my attention immediately as it started with an infomercial the BBC used to show when I was a young boy about a sailor at sea who is in trouble and the belated assistance that he receives from a couple on the beach. If you recognise the cartoon image here,

then you will know what I mean. If not, well I don't think it changes the substance of what I am writing too much! (If you want background on this and maybe even see the advertisement then you can find it all here.

I then realised it was to be a programme about the poem I heard a few weeks before. I felt a quickening in my spirit as it was read aloud:

I knew immediately God was using this poem to speak to me. The meaning of the poem which had been vague previously, immediately made total sense and informed my experience.

In many ways it is a tragic poem and despite my previous ignorance, it is one of the most popular poems in the UK. What struck me was when the poem starts, the subject is already dead. His "moaning" only serves to inform the reader of the tragedy. That perhaps if we had heard him it could have been prevented. Was his waving a clear sign from him which we had misread or was his waving a disguise to hide the reality of his life?

All these thoughts were racing through my mind as I drove through the country lanes between the office and the venue. What is clear, it seems to me, is that the subjects situation had not changed he was always cold, faraway and on the edge of drowning. What had changed was the understanding of the other voice in the poem.

The author Stevie Smith,(1902-1971) was never married, suffered from a nervous breakdown, attempted suicide was a tory then radical left winger. Intellectually she suggested there was no God but referred to herself as a lapsed atheist as she could not shake the truth of her experience of God. Like most of us she was a mass of contradictions. Unlike many she seemed able to exist and thrive in the place of contradiction.

Why is it that 30 years on from her death, this her most famous poem, still speaks to people? I suspect that it is because she has hit on a truth that so many of us recognise perhaps not just in others but also ourselves. That is that there is a significant difference between our external projection and the reality of our internal experience. The falsehood of what we do and the truth of what we think. Every time lead a shift with Cardiff Street Pastors  I see literally thousands of people out partying in the city centre of our nations capital. Early in the evening there is much laughter and jollity but as the night wears on the reality of the the waving revellers becomes evident as more and more of them reveal themselves as being desperately out of their depth. Not Waving But Drowning.The signs are all around us. Every time a serial killer is identified, neighbours seem to suggest that "he was just a normal guy, he kept himself to himself" Not Waving But Drowning.

Churches have people who are seen worshipping on one Sunday whose lives have imploded the following week as wives leave husbands, men leave their families and people leave their faith. What was that arms in the air adoration so evident in charismatic meetings about then? Not Waving But Drowning. 

Yesterday I talked with a friend of mine whose life has fallen apart. Everything he once held dear it seems has been taken from him. He is desperately trying to hold onto the vestiges of his faith. As I saw the missed communication I guessed that he was in a bad way and I considered putting off the call I mean did I need someone else's problems on top of my own? Pushing past my selfish self, I put in the call. He was in a bad way. I think God gave me some words for him. His problems did not go away, it is still tough but perhaps he has a better understanding that he is not on his own. Those who did not know him would have looked at him and thought all in his life was great. Truth is that he was calling out for help. Did we miss the signs, he was Not Waving But Drowning.

As a Christian, i must remind my self that there is no hiding from God. He knows everything about me. He is familiar with all my ways (Psalm 139). There is no hiding place from him not physically or in my thought life. When I stop thinking about Him he is not ignoring me. Indeed the as His disciples the day of the mask should have either gone or at least should be in the process of being stripped off. 2:Corinthians 3:18 says  "And we all, who with unveiled faces contemplate the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his image with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit"

We are called to become more like him each and every day. As Paul tells us: "Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children.  And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God." (Ephesians 5:1-2 ESV). It is a tough ask but no one said following the carpenters way was going to be easy. 

At its heart I think that God was using this poem to call  me to be transparent in the reality of my life and experience. More than that to be a vigilant coastguard, being prepared to rescue those who had become tired, had got out of their depth, had pushed too far on their own strength, who had been engulfed by the unexpected wave those who were

Not Waving But Drowning

What about you?